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Why The Stare?

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

10:37PM - Japanese Television

I love it.  I'm watching Japanese dubbed Unsolved Mysteries on TV.  The dubbed voices are great, but the fact that they are playing the music from the movie Halloween in the background is pretty great.  There is no shame in copyright infringement in this country.

Saturday, September 6, 2008

2:55PM - Japanese Fashion

I love Japanese fashion!  Even a lot of older women dress so well.  I walked through a department store today in Kita Senju because I saw an outfit displayed in the window that caught my eye.  That happens a lot here.  So I walked through the department store to find it.  There are so many cute things in almost every store.  I found the store I was looking for.  It's called TomorrowLand.  I found the jacket that was part of the outfit...

Yeah, it was $600.  So I won't be buying that, but I wish I could.  I took a picture instead.   I'll show it later.

This is a dangerous place to shop.


Friday, September 5, 2008

1:00AM - Cults

I had to teach an interesting subject to an advanced class. We talked about cults. I got to teach them about the Manson Family, and they taught me about Aum, a Japanese cult that released poisonous gasses on the subways 19 years ago on the train lines that I use. They killed 12 people and injured over 6,000.

Later, police found that the cult's base at Mt. Fuji stored enough chemical warfare to kill 20,000 people. Apparanty, the guru of the cult, Shoko Asahara, is still in prison only a few train stations away from me.

If you want to read about it:

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

12:58AM - Bills

My electricity and water bill together was $35.

Eat that Tallahassee!

Sunday, August 31, 2008

7:39PM - Easy bootlegs

Guess who just bought 4 bootleg movies for $3 each at the local department store?  I did, I did!  They have Japanese subtitles on them, but for $3 that's not bad.


Wednesday, November 7, 2007

11:54AM - New Zealand??

So it's almost time for me to apply for school, and I'm really excited that we set a goal to be in Boston by next summer.

Every now and then though, I get a craving for adventure. I become so passionate about the idea of have an amazing experience.

Mari just got back from South America about a month ago, and she just left yesturday to go farm in Peru for a couple months. When she gets back, she's going to take 6 months and travel the Apallachian trail with her brother.

I have friends that go to Japan for a couple years to teach English, or work the summer in Alaska. I'm so envious of people who can do that, and it makes me want it so badly. I could never do it alone though, and I could never imagine being seperate from Jason for months at a time. I don't think it's worth the risk, but I know he's not normally excited about new ideas such as those. I would love to experience something like that with him, and I know he'd love it if he broke out of his over logical thought process.

Well, of course, I was speaking to my mom about this...kinda waiting for her to say that I'm being silly for wanting to do something like that when I'm FINALLY planning on going back to school, but instead, she was excited and said that this is the best time to do something like that. Later there will be more bills, more responsibilities, and after school I may fall straight into an amazing job.

While searching the internet, I found a new sport from New Zealand...called Zorbing. I jokingly sent Jason a link and told him "see, if we could go to New Zealand, we could go Zorbing!" I sent him an itinerary of the International Student Volunteer program that I was supposed to go to after graduating from FSU, and he actually got really excited about it. Since then, we can't stop talking about it.

It's a 4 week program. The first 2 weeks you volunteer, and the second 2 weeks you go on excursions, such as black water rafting, climbing a glacier, sight seeing, and it's all included in the package (as well as food, lodging, ground transportation from south to north New Zealand, etc).

We figured this would be perfect...because we could still have an experience and volunteer, but it wouldn't put us off course as far as school goes. And if I could go anywhere in the world, it would be New Zealand. The problem is that it costs $3500, not including airfaire, which is about another $1000.

At first, I said that I was completely willing to through down a credit card for this trip, since when else would I get the chance to have an experience like this, but then I spoke to my mom. She said she couldn't justify spending $3500 so that the company can make money off of our volunteering. This bummed me out, but I completely understand it. I started looking at other volunteer programs, and they all seem to cost money...at least the New Zealand ones. Though, at this point I had my heart set on New Zealand.

I found a program that is $600 for 2 weeks of volunteering...but then I thought, well we'd want to stay another 2 weeks to explore, and doing that independently would be very expensive. Plus, it would be more difficult to plan climbing a glacier and such, if we're not in a group, but we will have more independence. So what would be better? I know we were still leaning toward the ISV program even though it is ridiculously expensive, merely for the experience.

But as of late, I've had this strange feeling that I lost sight of my original idea in the first place, which was to volunteer or work for a longer period of time, not for spending tons of money to play, right before I have to spend tons on going back to school. I haven't mentioned this uneasy feeling to Jason, because I'm just so excited that he wants to do this.

So now I think, what's the best thing to do? We both agree that if we want to do something like this, this is the best time to do it. But would it be better to spend lots of $ for an amazing 2-4 week experience (itinerary), and stay on track with school? Or we can even to the less expensive New Zealand trip and just volunteer for a whole month, and only play on the weekends and nights, but we wouldn't be able to see as much of New Zealand. When will I ever get a chance to go to the one place that I so badly want to go? It's not like a trip to Europe. I'm sure I'll have more opportunities for that.

Or would it be better to actually have more of an experience and work in maybe Japan for a year or two (can always visit New Zealand from there!)? This means that we would have to put off school...which is a very scary thought to me. I've been working so hard at getting my portfolio together, and I have really good resources for a letter of recommendation (it'll be more difficult to ask them to help me out in 2 years when they know me less, and a bit embarassing that I fell off track), and we've really been working at looking forward to Boston. But again, what better time than now? I can always go to school, right? And I could possibly save of some money, and oh, the pictures I could get. It would be such an amazing experience for both Jason and I!

Any advice? If we do decide to go New Zealand for a few weeks, I have to decide fast. As of now we're planning on being in Boston by June.

Monday, October 22, 2007

11:59AM - Mystery Feces

We found mystery feces in our upstairs computer room, maybe 2 mm in diameter and an inch and a half long. Too small for a dog or cat, too large for a mouse.

Maybe a squirrel snuck in via fireplace, had a little fun and left a treat before leaving?? I think there'd be more evidence. I think I'd notice a rat, too. Nothing's chewed up.

Snake? Yeah, I don't know.

Current mood: curious

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

10:48AM - Just Life and Photography...

I'm knee deep in photography, and it feels great!

I sold my first photograph last month, and in November I have my first wedding to shoot. My co-worker asked me to do it, and I was uneasy at first, as it is completely new to me, but it's a very relaxed wedding and I think it'll be fun. It's 1940's chic style, so I know exactly the look I'm going for. My social anxiety is what I'm most affraid of. I'm gonna have to break down some walls. It really gets the best of me...but I know we'll be happy with the shoot in the end.

I wish I had more confidence in myself.

I haven't yet learned how to shoot completely manually from my Digital SLR (a bit embarassing), but I know 'P' won't cut it. I'll have to work on that. I'm also thinking of buying a new lens.

I'm still working on the Confessions project. I am ready to print all of them, but I still need to shoot a couple more people before I finish the project. I know exactly how they are going to be displayed though.

I've also just planned to do some light grafitti with some friends soon! This is very exciting, as I've always wanted to do it. Usually I say I want to shoot, but then i get lazy and don't ever get anybody together, but for this, I'm ready to go at any second. It'll be quite an experiment...and an awesome night out on the town.

I'm almost done editing the 460 photos from vacation. I know it really only matters to me, but I'm loving how they are turning out.

I still haven't finished working on a couple other sets of pictures that I took for some people. I guess I slacked on that. I'll blame that partly on the fact that my computer is SLOW and I dont' even have enough RAM to install CS2...so I'm working off of Photoshop 7. I know I'll need a new computer for school next year, but this may force me to buy one a little sooner than expected. I've got my eyes on an iBook Pro.

Ben is still working on a website for me. I hate to stall, but I can't, for the life of me, decide what I want to be known as. He thinks that going for just my name is lazy and that the name should have a studio feel to it. I keep trying to think of different photography vocabulary, like bellows or perspective, or pixels, tilt and shift, etc...but I can't seem to put anything together. If anyone has any advice, I would be happy to hear it! I'm just not verbally creative. Hopefully one day something will come to me.

Current mood: creative

Friday, September 7, 2007

5:04PM - Gloomy Sunday

Listening to a Billie Holiday sample in a Venetian Snares song, and I so badly wanted to find out where I can find the original. This is what I found...

Gloomy Sunday" (from Hungarian "Szomorú Vasárnap", IPA: ['somoruː 'vɒʃarnɒp]) is a song written by the Hungarian self-taught pianist and composer Rezső Seress in 1933. According to urban legend, it inspired hundreds of suicides. When the song was first marketed in the United States, it became known as the "Hungarian suicide song". There is no systematic substantiation for such claims, as it is not documented where any such allegations appear in press coverage or other publications of the time.

Numerous versions of the song have been recorded and released. Michael Brooks wrote in the program notes for the 10-CD set, "Lady Day" - the Complete Billie Holiday on Columbia, 1933-1944:

"Gloomy Sunday reached America in 1936 and, thanks to a brilliant publicity campaign, became known as The Hungarian Suicide Song. Supposedly after hearing it, distraught lovers were hypnotized into heading straight out of the nearest open window, in much the same fashion as investors after October 1929; both stories are largely urban myths."



"Dearest, the shadows I live with are numberless.

Little white flowers will never awaken you,

Not where the black coach of sorrow has taken you.

Angels have no thought of ever returning you.

Would they be angry if I thought of joining you?"

Gloomy Sunday.

Written by Hungarian Composer Reszo Seress three years ago, Gloomy Sunday droned along in comparative obscurity until last month. Then it began to make news aplenty. Budapest police, investigating the suicide of a shoemaker named Joseph Keller, found that Keller had left a note in which he quoted lyrics from Composer Seress' poignant Szomorú Vasárnap. Further inquiry revealed that the lugubrious ballad had persuaded 17 other impressionable Magyars to take their lives. Two shot their brains out while hearing a gypsy band play the piece, others killed themselves listening to recorded versions, several leaped into the Danube clutching the sheet music. The Budapest police banned Gloomy Sunday.

Monday, Mar. 30, 1936
- Chappell & Co., Inc.

I did eventually find out where I can find the original song.
It's on the Complete Billie Holiday on Columbia (1933-1944) and it's only $164! Whoo.

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

2:02PM - The Ground Truth

Looks interesting.

Monday, July 30, 2007

5:33PM - Fennec Fox

I've been going sick with the thought of having a dog. I want one so bad. Everytime I see a domesticated animal around, I'm like Elmira. I just can't leave them things alone.

I've been wanting a Shiba Inu for the longest time, but I know that it wouldn't be smart to get one until we know where we are ending up for school...and if we'd have time for one.

Still, they are amazing:

Regardless, I found another cute furry animal to go crazy over, too! I hear they do sell them somewhere near Tallahassee and they're oh, so adorable. They're called Fennec Foxes:

Man, look at those ears!
Luckily it says that the Fennec Foxes have so much energy, it's best for them to have a friend, and it seems like they have similar personalities with Shibas.

I want one...of each!

Monday, July 23, 2007

1:32PM - Heartbeat

My resting heart rate is 112.
My working heart rate is 180.

I hope my heart doesn't explode!!

Current mood: bouncy

Monday, July 16, 2007

10:32AM - New inspirations...

So I just saw Sicko over the weekend...

And I think it's by far the most important film any American can view at this time. Yes, it does focus on health insurance, but it gives you a glimpse at the big picture, or at least a part of it. It's at least a different story than what we are spoon fed everyday of our lives.

I was disgusted, saddened, angry and inspired all at the same time.

This is the type of experience that my compulsive inspiration comes into place. For a split second I was completely inspired to become a lawyer so I could fight the system...or at least for the people who are getting fucked by it.

Of course, being a lawyer is not my passion and not what I want to do, so I'm left feeling a bit inadequate...that I'm not standing up or doing something this important.

I want to be a photographer. That is what I want to do. But then it lead me to think...

Yes, I can take a pretty picture, but does it mean anything? It does to me. But what if I could use this medium to stand for something? Or to inspire others to do so as well. I have so many ideas in my head right now. Whether I have the resources to pull off what I want to pull off may be a different story.

I hope this feeling lasts.

Current mood: rejected

Saturday, June 30, 2007

2:55PM - Thunderstorms

I've missed a good rainy day.

...I wish someone would come play with me in the rain.

Current mood: nostalgic

9:46AM - The Fucking Moon

Edit: 6/30

Okay. Thanks to Lauren, I actually just viewed the real film that I saw during the FSU film festival. I didn't realize that he was just taking from original sources and adding on to it, but it's still damn good!

This is it:

So a long time ago, Manley and I went to the Student Film Festival at FSU. We saw one film that was so hilarious, that we never stopped talking about it.

We found a bunch of skits and videos, but they all seemed like they ripped off that one video. Well, I actually found the video that we saw at the Film Festival! The weird thing is, this video is credited to the ECC. I wonder if those FSU film students just ripped it off from them?? Not sure, but it's still quite funny:

Current mood: amused

Thursday, June 7, 2007

9:33AM - Self Analysis

So it has come to my attention that lately I have been a tad bitter, more critical of others, very defensive, and I've lost my fun and my ability to get excited about the little things in life. It's been harder to smile, and I can't seem to take a joke. It's almost as if, when friends show me or tell me new things, I don't get excited for them out of spite.

I've been getting really upset about it, because I couldn't figure out why this is. I do know that I used to be like this when i was younger...about a 3 year streak, and once I got out of it, I promised that I would never be like that again (this would be like 5 years ago).

I try to think of how this started up again...and it's very noticable to me that I've been like this since Stacey's dad died. I don't think I should look for some correlation, necessarily. Although I was very close to that family growing up, I haven't spent much time with them in recent years, so I don't really think that would completely turn my world upside down, although it was very sad news to hear. Maybe I can just use it as a mile marker...or maybe experiencing a death for the first time of someone I knew, did infact effect me at a larger level.

Anyway, I confessed to Jason how I've been feeling and how I can't stand it and want to know why I'm like this so I can get out of it. He psychoanalyzed me quite well, I have to say.

Since the funeral, and maybe this has something to do with the shock of recognizing time, all I can think about is how unaccomplished I am, and how I'm nowhere close to where I want to be. I've been quite obsessed with this idea that I'm going nowhere and I'm doing nothing, and I get very anxious. I feel the need to work on photography or school stuff constantly, and if I'm not working on it, I don't want to go out and have fun, because I feel guilty that I'm wasting time. I'm obsessed with bettering myself and I freak out if I feel like I haven't done anything to move forward in a few days. I get angry at others when I don't feel like I've achieved anything.

This is when I start criticizing others for not moving forward as fast as I want to, or not understanding my misfortunes (financially and such). I'm so serious now. I have forgotten to stop and look around and appreciate the now...not just tomorrow. I think I'm trying to grow up too quickly. I feel so behind, but really I've accomplished more than most 24 year olds.

I've gotta stop and have some fun. Although I feel like time is slipping through my fingers, I have to remember that at this rate, once I get there, I'm gonna regret not enjoying the trip. I shouldn't forget my goals, but I shouldn't let them absorb everything else in me.

I feel so far away from the close friendships I used to have, and it's probably my fault. I will not take this analysis with a grain of salt. I'll remember it, and hopefully that fun, excited girl will come back. I'll move forward, but I'll enjoy life to it's fullest. I'll love it.

Current mood: grateful

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

2:23PM - I want to see these!!!

Across The Universe




Paris Je T'aime


The Aerial


Current mood: artistic

Saturday, April 28, 2007

7:32PM - As an artist...

So, really...

Do you stay loyal to your original idea, or do you sacrafice it when you accidentally find another technique that looks so good...but doesn't really work with the concept?


Current mood: torn

Monday, April 16, 2007

9:01AM - The Big 24...

So I was pretty bummed that all my plans for my birthday fell through...road tripping to the Against Me! show in Gainseville, camping, I wanted to go dancing, but there's really no place to go in Tally...

I was told on Thursday that there were plans of the girls kidnapping me to take me out on Friday. They came over for a couple drinks first (I was handed all the vodka I could handle), but Katie found out that she left her I.D. at David Greens, so we stopped by there first to fetch it.

I thought it was a bit odd that there were so many cars in the front, but I figured it was a regular night at David Green's. When we walked through the door, i see Jason and everyone behind him greeting me with a Surprise!

Manley set up his laptop for a night of dancing with great music. Turned out he was there since 3 scrubbing the floors and getting everything ready, David Green was all spiffed up in a suit, and Katie baked a cake for the 3 of us birthday girls.

Not only was I surprised about the party, but they had another surprise...since I was so disappointed about not going to the Against Me! show, Fed and Cody learned some Against Me! songs for me and performed them!!

Anyway, I had the best birthday ever, and thanks for all of you that came! You made my day, and it's great to know that I have such great friends and a pretty damn good boyfriend to put this all together for me. I really did have the best time ever. I love you all!

Pictures of the Best Birthday Ever

Current mood: thankful

Thursday, March 29, 2007


Are you really suppose to get grey hair in your mid 20's?!

Current mood: surprised

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